So February was the month I worked on my marriage in my happiness project. I knew it would be a difficult month for me, but also one of the most important of my year-long project. I thought long and hard about my resolutions, wrote them out in my chart....and pretty much never touched the chart again.
Not that I didn't do the project last month, or that I just ignored my resolutions; it's that when you're trying to change the entire way you relate to someone else, it's hard to follow a chart! Rather than tangible things to do, like write a to-do list or meditate, all of my resolutions were behaviors and as such, much more difficult to measure and keep track of. While I certainly tried to be more light-hearted and watch my tone, had I really done it?
On the last day of the month, in the evening after the kids were abed, James asked me how I thought the month went. In truth, I have been feeling more connected to James, less bothered by the little things, more able to find the humor in his (questionable) jokes, and definitely more like we are on the same team. I knew I hadn't made any major changes or fundamentally changed my personality to be the all-loving, all-supporting fount of patience and compassion that I sometimes aspire to become -- but I felt the little changes had made a pretty good difference. That's how I felt - did he, too?
I bit my tongue and asked James how he thought it went - after all, no one would know better than him, right?
"Incredible," he said. Incredible!?!!?
He went on to say that it was even better than incredible; that he felt deeply supported by me in his work, and that feeling freer in his work meant he felt less anxiety overall, which actually allowed him to both work harder and feel more comfortable being fully at home when he wasn't working. He said some other glowing stuff, but you know what? -- I've forgotten it all already! It was probably the kindest thing James has ever said to me (much nicer than when, on my birthday a few years ago, I asked James what he loved most about me and he answered that I have been a perennial underachiever who hasn't done much with my talent in life!), and I've forgotten it!
The month went so well that James and I agreed that we should make every October - our anniversary month - our marriage happiness month, and we will each spend the whole month working on finding and creating more happiness in our relationship.
Hooray!
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