Long days, long naps

Whew - it's been a couple of busy, beautiful days. This post is mostly about me, so if you're here for the Augie in the Augie blog, here's something to satisfy you:

Even with all of the exploring and open house viewing we've done, there are still several neighborhoods and towns where we're looking for apartments but we haven't been to yet. So with Augie at preschool, yesterday I jumped on the pendeltåg (light rail) to check out some farther-out areas we'd been considering. Ultimately, it was a day of mixed results. Both of the areas that I looked at were beautiful. One, Hägernäs, was right on the water, with views of the forested islands of the archipelago, a sandy swimming beach, and a seaside walkway that spanned as far as I could see. But there wasn't a grocery store within easy walk, nor a cafe, and the only restaurant to be found was a McDonalds. 

So I took a bus back to the pendeltåg to head to another area, Täby Kyrkby. This time I did find a grocery store and a cafe (and a flower shop) right near the train station. I walked the neighborhoods, which were very nice. Glancing at the windows and looking in the yards, many homes had toys or window decals or other evidence of children at home, and I saw lots of mothers with prams. Yet, nowhere was there a real town center or gathering place, in either of these areas.

The more I walked around, the more clearly I began to articulate the real decision we have to make, and what each side of the decision meant: do we want to live in the city or in the country? Do we want to live in Stockholm, or do we want to live in a small, nondescript town? I don't need to go through the obvious list of the what cities offer (culture, museums, choices in schools, cafes, restaurants, a mix of people) vs what the country offers (more space, closeness to nature, small-town feeling, potential simplicity). 

Bored yet? If so, he's another picture of a sleeping baby:

Ultimately I realized a number of things: this may be our one chance to live in (or at least very near) a European capital city; as a stay-at-home mom, I have dozens of choices of what to do every day with my babies if I'm in Stockholm, while I might have two or three choices of what to do in our neighborhood in the countryside; in the city, we can make friends with our neighbors in the building, with other people in the neighborhood, and with anyone anywhere else in Stockholm because it's small enough to get around easily; if we live in a small town, we are stuck with the people who happen to live there; if we live in Stockholm and don't like the öppna förskolan or the preschool in our neighborhood, we can easily go to another; in the countryside, if we don't like öppna förskolan or the preschool in the neighborhood, we're stuck.

Can you tell where we're heading? It looks like we are going to sacrifice space so that we can live a bit closer to the city. We think we've finally narrowed it down to a small handful of neighborhoods (which, in truth, we can barely afford but we love), and we can dispense with looking far and wide. Now the task is almost more difficult: we must wait for the right apartment to show up on the market. And then we must pounce.

On to today:

Much to my surprise, as I was nursing Augie around 9 o'clock this morning, he fell asleep! I'd laid down while nursing him because I was getting tired and his nursing sessions have been ridiculously long (20-45 minutes! I guess because there are fewer of them now, he wants to linger when he gets a chance), and we sort of got wrapped up in each other and suddenly I realized that he was asleep. My left arm was under his head, my right leg was over his body, his legs were on top of my left leg - we were pretzeled together. But since he fell asleep with the blinds open, I got to take nap pictures for the first time in ages.

I had to wake him after an hour because we had a friend date - our first non-work related Swedish friend! Augie and I got together with the mother/wife of the couple we met at the dinner party last weekend, and she brought along another mom-and-baby duo. We met at the Bergianska Trädgården just down the way from us, had delicious (if pricey) lunches, and let the kids run around. Well, Augie did the running, the other babies mostly napped or sat calmly in their strollers. I really enjoyed the company and the conversation - and I'm so pleased that I may finally have made my first Swedish friend!

This evening we went to an open house in one of our desired neighborhoods. The place just wasn't quite right, but we did like it and are excited about looking around the area more. 

And now, at nine in the evening, I can't wait to do this:

Lake baby

We're taking Augie to preschool four days a week now - they think it might be better if he is there more often to help him adjust and get into the routine. Today was the first day he didn't cry when James dropped him off! He did, however, cry just after he left. I think the truth is that he will finally be adjusting just as we are getting ready to go back to the US (we leave in just over three weeks!). Even if it has been difficult, I think it's been good for him to socialize and to be out in the world without me.

I also thought that being around other kids might get him talking more; but then I realized that almost all of the kids in his class are international, which means that almost none of them speak English at home. So although that's the language of his class, the kids aren't really speaking it because they're all still absorbing it.

This afternoon Augie and I walked to meet James at work so we could go grocery shopping together. We stopped by the lake so he could run around in the brilliant sunshine.

Our weekend

The weather has been beautiful so we've been getting outside as much as we can. On Saturday we were invited to dinner at a colleague of James's apartment in Södermalm, so we set off early to do some exploring and enjoy the spring sun.

The colleague who had us to dinner lives in a beautiful apartment with her husband; our jaws were on the floor all evening admiring it. Our hosts, Christina and Ivar, had also invited their niece and nephew, (who are actors at one of the major theaters here in Stockholm), and their one-year old daughter. Kristofer, the nephew, is also half-Asian (he's half Swedish, half Japanese), so their daughter is also a Quasian like Augie. We supped on shrimp salad and bouillabaisse and took turns chasing the babies around the apartment. It was a lovely evening.

On Sunday we tramped around the city looking at open houses. We were excited to visit an area that several folks had told us about (green, affordable, lots of families), but on arriving we were deeply disappointed in the neighborhood. Neither of us could imagine ourselves living there, even though the apartments themselves were nice. It was just row after row of identical buildings, no little village area or town center, nothing that made us feel comfortable in the area. Alas, it's a big city and there are lots of other areas to explore.

We found a playground for Augie in the courtyard in one of the buildings, and Augie got to run around a bit.

Sunset

Augie had a rough day.

We had an appointment in the morning at his new pediatrician's office. Actually, for this visit we didn't see a pediatrician, we saw a nurse. Coincidentally, it was the same nurse who saw me last summer at a different health clinic all the way across town, when Augie bit my nipple. She only works this job at the pediatrician's four hours per week - and we just so happened to see her there.

Anyway, Augie didn't get any shots or anything, just a general checkup, we went over his immunizations (the schedule here in Sweden is different from the US, and we're doing an alternative to that anyway), got his statistics, and talked with the nurse. She's not concerned that he's not talking now, but said that he has to eight words by the time he's 18 months old. He's got < 3 months to get seven new words! And if you're wondering, he weighs 24.5 pounds and is 32.5 inches long. In Sweden, that's a bit lower than average for weight and a bit higher than average for length/height. He cried while we were undressing and measuring him and for a while afterwards.

He was fussy before we got home, and when we got home we skipped lunch because he was crying and wanted to go right to bed. He slept for three hours! That's the longest nap he's ever taken. At preschool he's only sleeping for about 45 minutes, and the afternoons/evenings on those days are very tough - he whines and cries, doesn't eat a ton, and is obviously very ready bed (he usually falls asleep nursing, which he otherwise doesn't do anymore). Today, after his nap, I fed him lunch and then he more or less fussed and whined all afternoon and into the evening. He has a runny nose and a bit of chest congestion, so in addition to the accumulated exhaustion of not sleeping enough at preschool (while also missing Mama and Baba and being sad), he's dealing with not feeling so well.

We're hoping that this weekend he can rest lots and restore himself to get ready for next week at school. We are probably going to tweak his preschool schedule so that he can get used to the routine a bit better. But we still have to figure out the napping thing, because we are all miserable when he's overtired and miserable.

No pictures the last few days, so here's a blast from the past, taken one year ago:

Mama time

James decided that we should both take Augie to preschool today. We awoke to blue skies, James was in a frisky mood, and he wanted to see what would happen if we took him together to school, told him we loved him, and saw him on his way. I was dubious about this being a good idea. In fact, my words to James were, "that's a horrible, horrible idea."

You know what happened? Two out of three of us with tears streaming down our faces, one of us screaming. An experiment not to be repeated.

They say that Augie is sort of off-and-on all day; he'll be fine for a while, then upset; he clings to his blanket the whole day. But yesterday when I picked him up he only whine-cried a little bit, then was up and about happily exploring while I talked to one of the teachers. We're working on devising a schedule that will help him adjust better.

On a lighter note, after we dropped Augie off James and I parted ways, and I walked around Norra Djurgården - a national park that stretches from downtown up to the university, where we're staying. There's major development going on in a section of the park, closer to town, with hundreds, maybe thousands, of housing units being built. We're considering buying there, though at present all the good units are taken (or are too expensive for us). It seems like a perfect mix of city and nature (as it sits in a national park, most of the area around it will never be built up), so we're scouring the available units (it seems like each building is represented by a different realtor, so it's tedious getting all the information together). If it works out, it would be about a 15-minute walk to work for James, a 10-15 minute subway/bus ride into the heart of Stockholm, and minutes away from expansive parkland and the sea. Too good to be true, huh?

I found a cafe - Selma Deli - in one of the new buildings and stopped in for a rest (have I mentioned how exhausted I get these days, with little Queequeg growing inside me?). I think it was the first time I've had quiet cafe time since before Augie was born, and I felt a little space inside open up, like I was getting a little taste of the Jodi who used to prowl the open road and listen for the soft whisper of inspiration. It's amazing how healing and restorative these snippets of self time can be.

It's spring, it really is. Do you know how I know? These are popping up everywhere:

I even saw a lone hyacinth today, and the daffodil buds are coming up. I know it could snow again, but that won't change the fact that the days are beginning to feel lighter and longer and we're seeing the sun more. It no longer feels like the purpose of living is to slog through the interminable grey days, crossing them off the calendar as they pass; hope has snuck in, and light, and a feeling of the boundlessness of days.

 It's more fun to take Augie out walking now, as there's much more for him to explore and touch.

Taking after his mama, he sat down and sorted through some rocks (I can't wait to share my rock collection with him! From all the favorite places I've been, precarious cairns pieced together on mountaintops and tucked into my backpack to bring home, wave-battered stones from the shores of Lake Superior...)

Thinking about spring

Augie had a rough day. He started crying as soon as he and James arrived at preschool, he was upset most of the morning, he didn't eat any lunch, he only napped for 45 minutes, and he burst into tears when I walked in the door to pick him up. He was doing very well at the end of last week, but I guess being with us over the weekend made him unhappy about being away from us today.

The sun came out for about an hour at the end of the day, so Augie and I went down to the orchard to play. It is so lovely to go outside with him now, the snow melted and the ground coming alive. He likes to touch trees and mosses, look (and stand on) at rocks, and sometimes to lick the mud from his fingers. I am excited to start collecting leaves and flowers and pinecones and feathers and stones with him, to watch the sun set together, to look at the stars and the clouds and jump in mud puddles. There is so much world for us to discover.

We have something to tell you

I won't keep you in suspense: bun #2 is in the oven.

That's right, I'm pregnant. If all goes according to plan, sometime around the end of September Augie is going to become a big brother. I'm still in the first trimester of the pregnancy (about 9.5 weeks now), which is earlier than these things are usually announced; but I figure since the four of you who read this blog regularly already know the news, it's no big deal to announce it here.

And, this explains why my posting has been sporadic and uninspired lately: I'm tired. Really. F*&king. Tired. I've had some morning sickness - much more than with Augie - and tons of exhaustion. James has been fantastic about stepping up and taking over most of the housework (while I do all the work of growing a baby!), and letting me sleep in most mornings (especially since Augie has taken to getting up in the morning around 6:30 instead of 7:30, as he used to). As I remember from when Augie was an inside baby, this will all ease up in a few weeks when I'm into the second trimester and get that pregnancy glow again.

This also means that now that Augie is sleeping mostly through the night, I'm back to getting up every two hours to pee. It's just not fair.

Soon enough he'll have a little friend to point out all the trees, rocks and lichens to.

Augie made 15 months yesterday! And I was going to write a post about all the cool things he's doing lately, but I'm so tired that I can't remember any of them. Nothing.

But two weeks ago, he did something funny. Remember that he's sleeping in a Montessori bed? Well, I got up to pee in the middle of the night, and when I came back into the bedroom I realized that he was sleeping on the floor, his head resting on his bed. He had wiggled and squirmed all the way onto the floor! He did it twice in one week, without even waking when he made it to the floor. Now we put a pillow at the end of his bed so he doesn't roll out. Not that he'd notice anyway.

He uses utensils! He's getting better all the time. And he can drink out of a big boy cup without help, from table to mouth and back again (usually) with no mess. (Other times, there's a steady stream of milk pouring into his lap). We have to admit to being happy we skipped the sippy cup, even if it has meant more work and more mess for us. Helping him learn to do something all by himself is rewarding for all of us.

You! Stop harassing me while I eat!

One of the coolest things he's doing right now is trying to help with house chores. I can't get any sweeping done when he's awake, because he takes the broom or the dustpan (or both) and takes his turn sweeping the floor. He also likes to use a washcloth to wipe up the floor or table. And yes, we're encouraging this behavior.

Obviously, we're also encouraging pants-free Saturdays. (As though this is different attire from any other day at our house.)

Augie and I have a few games that we play while nursing, and this is my favorite: I point out a part of my face, and then touch that part of his face. He always giggles when I get to his ears. And no matter what part of my face I touch, he just points to his forehead.

Augie still doesn't use any words regularly, except "mama", which we finally think actually refers to me. All of our other friends with babies his age are talking up a storm, and have a vocabulary of at least a dozen words. I have to admit that we are a little bit worried about this, and his general lack of communication (he doesn't wave regularly either, and it seems like he's stopped using sign language). It's not anxiety-inducing worry, but we are paying close attention to this. He's always been a very physical little boy, so probably his brain is just still plugging away at all the physical feats he has to master. Did I tell you he can dribble a soccer ball??? Probably in a year or two he's going to start speaking in iambic pentameter or something.

Okay, so obviously I remembered some things that he's doing now, but that's just because I had pictures to jog my memory. I'll try to do better with posting things as they happen.