These two, and a resume

How about these guys?

For some reason I decided to spend way too much time tonight updating my LinkedIn profile. (Someone tell me if that link doesn't work, I'm too lazy tired to sign out and check it myself). What would you add???

Position: Domestic Executive
Company: The Watson-Elliott Household

• Manage and fulfill expectations for three other household members with wildly divergent needs.
• Excel in a high-stress environment under constant sleep deprivation to provide for the material and emotional requirements of two high-maintenance individuals (aged four months and two years - the two-year old hereafter referred to as "The Tyrant")
• Solve problems quickly and creatively and remain adaptable and ready to implement new strategies on a moment's notice, usually under high pressure and while The Tyrant screams.
• Generate meal plans and procure provisions to ensure the health of all family members and to fulfill the whims of the The Tyrant.
• Take and edit photographs and write updates to maintain communications with far-flung loved ones by keeping a blog.
• Research, analyze, implement and dissect dozens of strategies to optimize the functioning of the household and emotional wellbeing of the newborn and The Tyrant.
• Manage financial accounts in three countries, pay bills in two, and determine the most cost-effective organic diaper-purchasing solutions.
• Work closely with co-executive to maintain acceptable hygiene levels in the home, locate strategies to get The Tyrant to sleep, and maximize ineffable experiences of joy, connection and fondness to ensure the continued wellbeing of all household members.
• Whilst living in a foreign country, figure out how to do everything (banking, shopping, tax registration, extended public transportation excursions, etc.) with minimal practical or emotional support, frequently with an upset small child in tow.
• Lactate.