Kindness

Something wonderful happened yesterday. Augie and I were on the train to Täby Centrum (to find the one grocery store in Stockholm that sells baby food made entirely of vegetables!), and as we neared our stop, I stood up and pushed the stroller towards the door. A woman was standing in front of us. As the doors opened she turned to me, smiled, and said, "Can I help you?" (well, actually she said, "Kan jag hjälpa dig?"). "Yes, please!", I answered, and she picked up the front end of the stroller and helped us climb off the train. She set the stroller down, smiled again, and turned and walked away.

This small act of kindness will come as no surprise to most Americans; it's common sense and basic good manners to help people who look like they could use a little help, most especially mothers trying to do anything at all with a baby in tow. But here in Sweden, that type of kind offering is almost unheard of. I don't know if it's Swedes in general or Stockholmers in particular, but people here are rude. A more common occurrence is that someone will step in front of the stroller to get on or off the subway before me (going so far as to bump into me if I'm in the way, even if I was standing there first), and a Stockholmer will almost never step aside to give you space on the sidewalk. No one has ever held a door open for me in this city. The other day I was trying to exit a department store with two sets of double doors, so I turned the stroller around and backed into the first door, pushing it open with my back and trying to pull Augie through. A woman was entering the store at the same time, so I waited for her to walk through the second set of doors. Rather than holding the door open for me so I could get me and the baby out, she actually rushed around in front of me so that she could get through the door the stroller was holding open before it shut.

I wonder if I will ever get over the general rudeness here, or if I will eventually just accept it as the way people are.

So, back to the wonderful moment yesterday: I was deeply touched that a strange stopped to help me maneuver the stroller down the train stairs. And she smiled! I am grateful to her, and I hope there are more like her out there.

The mall we took the train to yesterday had a large kids' room, where I found this super-fun swing to put Augie in. He loved it!

Sunrise and selfies

Yesterday was the 1-year anniversary of this blog! I made my first post on January 28, 2013, on Augie's 2-month birthday. (Which means that Augie reached 14 months yesterday). I've loved having a record of our little life together, and being able to share our life with you, dear friends and family spread so far around the world (we have regular hits from California, Michigan, New Jersey, England, Australia, and Hong Kong -- wow!).

If I'm being honest, I have to admit that I wish my posts were more thoughtful, that I shared more of the thoughts and feelings and experiences going on here in Augieland; I won't make excuses, I'll just say that it's hard, and that my better self hopes to write more thoughtful, more engaging, and funnier posts in the coming year. It may mean fewer posts, but if so, I promise they'll be better.

At this time of year, we get up before the sun does; on the rare day when it's not cloudy, we get to watch the sun rise:

After dinner yesterday Augie got his hands on my phone and somehow got the camera going, and then he took his first selfies:

Okay, I helped with this one:

Self-imposed exile

While we were skyping with my parents the other day, Augie put himself in time out. 

Attached at the chest

Augie has transitioned to one nap a day now, but it's still difficult for him to make it through the morning to naptime. Some days he's okay for the long morning stretch, other days he's obviously tired and needs to go to sleep. I've been hoping that he would stretch that nap to be at least 2 hours long, so that he can make it through the long afternoon (and I can have some personal time), but so far he's only taking 1.25 hour naps.

This morning we went walking to run a few errands around campus. Just as we were heading home, Augie fell asleep. Augie's getting big and I won't be able to carry him in the Ergo much longer, so these moments are priceless to me.

Music and Theatre Museum

I took Augie to the Music and Theatre Museum this afternoon, as I'd read that it has an instrument room that's great for kids to explore. Augie certainly enjoyed making noise!

The traditional "wheel with metal piece on stringy-thing" instrument:

This was fantastic. It looks a bit like an organ, but the tube on the left is air that's piped in. Whenever you pull one of the knobs toward you, air flows through the wooden pipe. He loved this:

He sort of enjoyed this, but it didn't make enough noise for him:

It's the weekend! We're going to explore some towns/neighborhoods where we might want to live. We've been dragging Augie along to very un-fun things this week (the tax board, the bank), so maybe we'll give him a break and go do something fun. 

Baby-Baba time

We've been having more family time here in Stockholm, thanks to a more laid-back work environment (made possible by a society that values family, made possible by the great socialist mother state). James is able to be home every day at a reasonable hour (always before 5), so we have time to play games together in the kitchen. After dinner, we usually even have time to sit down together on the couch and relax while plays near us. We think it's so important that he see us relaxing and calmly enjoying each other's company (that means me not shouting at James!), and taking time out of our day to just be together. We really didn't do that in Princeton, only a little bit on the weekends. It's nice. I think we're all a little bit happier.

I'm pretty sure he's not a baby anymore...

I know, I know - I've been saying this for weeks, probably months. But yesterday I took a couple pictures of Augie (the ones below), and when I uploaded them to the computer, I didn't see my baby in them - I saw a little boy.

These photos especially made me see him anew:

Sleep baby, sleep

The most exciting thing that's going on around here these days is that Augie's sleep has improved dramatically. By "dramatically", I mean that two nights ago he slept for 11 hours without a feed. Two weeks ago, we were lucky to get three hours. We’ve made two major changes to get to this point, though the second has been by far more powerful than the first.

The first is that we switched to a Montessori bed - essentially, just a mattress on the floor (and what Montessori herself calls a “child-bed”). Augie has never liked his crib, and here in Stockholm he essentially refused to sleep in one. I’m sure the grandparents here are going wild with reasons why this is a horrible idea, but for our family it’s been fantastic. Although Augie has the freedom to come and go into the bed day and night, he stays in bed all night and during his naps. The bedroom is safe for him, so if he were to wake up without us noticing (unlikely, as it’s only a one-bedroom apartment) and start playing, he’s not likely to hurt himself. I think the freedom/independence that the bed gives him is great for all of us.

The more important change is that I’m no longer sleeping in the bedroom (I’m on the living room couch). I noticed many months ago that if Augie woke up at night in his crib, looked around and didn’t see me in the bed, he’d often lie down and go back to sleep (while I hid, breathlessly, under the covers). But if he were to see me, he expected to be fed. So we wanted to move him into his own room months ago, but we knew that when we arrived in Sweden, we’d all be in the same room again; we thought it would be worse for him to go back and forth between his own room and our room.

The situation now is that he goes to bed in his child-bed, and then when it’s our bedtime, James gets into our bed next to his and I sleep on the couch. The first night we did this, Augie woke up as usual but was able, after some crying, to put himself back to sleep (knowing that Baba was there and he wasn’t abandoned). This pattern has continued for the past few days, but with the development that he gets himself back to sleep more easily now and doesn’t need Mama until about 8-11 hours after he’s gone down. (It’s very dry here, so Baba gives him small sips of water sometimes when he wakes overnight). I still can’t believe that he went 11 hours two nights ago without a feed! And then last night, he didn't have any overnight wake-ups at all until 5am, and after a feed, he went back to sleep until almost 8am.

We do let him cry at night, but we don’t let him “cry it out.” That technique has always seemed wrong for me and my family, but that doesn’t mean that our choice has been to coddle the baby and always give in to everything he wants. We let him cry, but if he’s getting deeply upset, we help.

We're also transitioning from two naps per day to just one nap; it was getting harder and harder to get him down for his first nap, and then several days in a row he just skipped his second nap altogether. Yesterday was the first day that we did just one nap on purpose (rather than him fighting a nap that I'm trying to put him down for), and it was great. Today he crawled onto our bed at 11:15 and played around for about 20 minutes before he started to cry. I went in and he was sitting on the bed, looking at me with desperation in his eyes and signing "milk, milk, gimme the goddamn milk!" I nursed him and he went to sleep.

Wish us continued luck!

And a teaser for tomorrow's post:

Winter swinging

We went to see four open houses this weekend. That may seem like no big deal to you, but keep in mind that apartments are open for one hour on Sunday and then maybe another 30 minutes on Monday evening (though one of the ones we went to was on Saturday). Seeing three open houses, even if they're in the same neighborhood, in one hour is both difficult and stressful. Did I mention that it was below freezing and we were walking through blizzard conditions?

Augie was essentially strapped into his stroller for a few hours each day, which we hate doing (but I'm pretty sure that's the main strategy behind Swedish baby-raising), and he was a great sport. We got him out to play on the swings at one point. I loved having Augie lying on top of me, and he loved being on the swing. His little face was just inches from me and he laughed, and his little belly pushed into mind. Oh, moments like that are the best.

Another fantastic klämrisk sign from an elevator at one of the apartments we looked at:

Sjöhistoriska Museet

Sjö means "seven", but sjöhistoriska means "maritime." Go figure. Maybe it's a reference to the "seven seas"? Either way, Augie and I went to the Sjöhistoriska Museet this afternoon, where he ran around and I chased him. That's pretty much what we do everywhere we go. That's pretty much what we do at home. That's pretty much my life.

I love the scale that these two elements give each other: the oversized doorway and the tiny human. It's one of my favorite themes in photographs of Augie (and other babies):

 First, he ran this way:

Then he ran that way:

Then he ran this way again:

I knew I had to contain him, and there was only one way:

Outside the museum as we left:

We have a busy weekend ahead of us: checking out a couple open houses (well, open apartments), heading to a couple social events, and doing (at least) a couple chores. What are you doing this weekend?

Rum för Barn

Stockholm seems to do everything it can to make life easier for young families. Not only do you get 480 days of (paid) parental leave, a monthly child stipend, free bus transportation when using a stroller, and changing and nursing rooms in most public places, there are öppna förskolan in nearly every neighborhood as well as great public places to take your kids, like Rum för Barn. Located in the center of Stockholm in The Culture House (Kulturhuset), Rum för Barn is a big library/playroom for kids of all ages. There are all sorts of steps, ramps, secret rooms, alcoves, and views for kids -- oh, and there are books, too.

We took Augie there yesterday. We only got a few goofy photos; maybe next time I'll try to get pics of the whole place.

He climbed into the treasure chest in a hidden room and found a book:

Here I am!: