Day 90 - Eating and sleeping

We took August to the pediatrician today for his 3-month round of vaccinations. Happy to say that he gained two pounds since his last visit, weighing in at just over 15 pounds! His all-milk, all-the-time diet is doing him well. See how happy he is?

At our appointment, the pediatrician asked how frequently he eats, and I said that during the day it was about every hour-and-a-half to two hours. I sensed that she was about to say that was too often (shaking her head, slightly pursed lips), but then she asked how he's sleeping. About seven hours for his first sleep, I said - to which she replied, "Let him eat every hour! He has to make up for it during the day!" Especially since his second sleep is usually 4-6 hours. Yes, he's usually sleeping 11-13 hours at night, with only one wake up for a midnight snack. Usually, of course, being the key word.

This is where this post gets personal.

I was so relieved when she said that I should be feeding him so often during the day, considering how much he sleeps at night. I spend a lot of my day with Augie latched onto my breast, and I like it. I love having these intimate moments with him, which surely nourish me as much as they do him. I love the little sounds he makes, slurping at times, calmly nursing at others. I love knowing and anticipating his breathing patterns - especially when he's about to make a poo or while he's making a pee. I feel so closely connected to him, and more and more I feel as if I know him and can read his cues, body language, and giggles and coos.

I love these moments more than anything. Those eyes. Those little hands.

But then you read books that say that you should only feed him every three hours, that he should be taking longer naps, that he should be on a set schedule, that we should be playing certain developmental games, and he shouldn't fall asleep at the breast - on and on they go, all these "shoulds" and "supposed to's", and they make me feel bad about my mothering, like I'm not doing it right. Like I'm not reading my baby's cues correctly, I'm not training him to sleep in the right ways, etc. Until I read these books and websites, I feel like I'm doing a great job: I am deeply connected to Augie and know his cues, he is a very happy boy, and we are balancing cuddling and togetherness with letting him learn to be a bit independent. After I read them, I feel that I am failing.

So when the pediatrician affirmed that a) it was great that he was sleeping so long at night; and b) he needs to eat a bunch during the day to make up, it reinforced what I already knew but had forgotten in light of all these baby experts and their one-size-fits-all advice: I know my baby. My instincts are right. We are all happy and healthy. We are doing just fine.

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(I challenge you to read any baby website anywhere and not feel like you are failing as a parent in one facet of baby-rearing or another. Then read this: http://www.pregnantchicken.com/pregnant-chicken-blog/2012/11/9/why-youre-never-failing-as-a-mother).